I have a question for you…
Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
What happened to cause you to cheat on your partner?
Was it worth it?
I remember when I was in high school and university, absolutely hating hearing about friends of mine who cheated on their boyfriends or girlfriends—or husbands and wives.
The thought of doing that to the person you love the most makes me sick inside.
And I’d think to myself,
“How could they do that to their partner?
How could they act like everything was okay and then just go sleep with someone else?”
I had judgmental thoughts about cheating partners.
I would think of them as disgusting people who didn’t deserve happiness because they were so selfish, weak, and stupid.
But what if I told you I used to be one of those stupid people?
I cheated on my ex-girlfriend.
She was the first girl I said “I love you” to and the only person I’ve ever been in a serious relationship with.
But after about six months of being together, something changed inside me…
I grew bored.
And maybe it was because we were young and didn’t know any better, but we both cheated on each other for the next five years of our relationship.
And I’m NOT proud of this behavior.
Honestly, it makes me sick to think about what I did back then because she deserves someone who cherishes her as she deserves.
But throughout my life, I’ve learned that cheating is just part of human nature.
Humans are not perfect, and we all make mistakes—including me.
So today, I’m going to reveal the reasons why people cheat in relationships.
Table of contents
- Here are 8 reasons people cheat in relationships
- 1. They’re Bored, and It’s Exciting
- 2. They’re looking for a way out of their relationship
- 3. They Think It’s an Easy Way to Get Satisfaction
- 4. They’re Feeling Neglected and Need Love and Affection
- 5. They’ve low self-esteem
- 6. They have friends who are cheaters
- 7. They have unresolved childhood issues
- 8. They have children from a previous relationship
Here are 8 reasons people cheat in relationships
1. They’re Bored, and It’s Exciting
People like to do things that make them feel alive, and cheating is definitely one of those things.
Imagine you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years.
You don’t do anything exciting together anymore because you’ve done everything that couples do.
So when someone new wants to hang out with you, it seems exciting and different from your normal life.
But this is a bad reason to cheat.
If you’re bored in your current relationship, then communicate with your partner about what you’d like to do more of so you can have fun together!
Don’t go out and find new people to spend your time with.
Because you might end up with a broken heart and a shattered image of the most important person in your life.
And that’s a lonely life.
2. They’re looking for a way out of their relationship
Sometimes, cheaters are looking for a way out of their relationship.
But instead of communicating with their partner about what they want, they start looking for a potential new partner.
In this case, the cheater is hoping that the new person will “rescue” them from their current relationship and help them find happiness again.
But this decision is selfish and only brings pain in the long run.
Let me say this straight:
If you’re unhappy with your relationship and want to leave, then communicate that to your partner and ask him or her how they feel.
Don’t go try and find someone new just because you’re looking for a way out.
Because that’s not fair to your current partner, who probably still wants the relationship to work.
And it will most likely ruin your future relationship because you’ll always have that cheater mentality.
3. They Think It’s an Easy Way to Get Satisfaction
Have you ever seen a person in public who’s clearly upset, but nobody seems to care?
Now imagine that same situation… but with cheating.
You’re upset, and your partner is just not doing what you want.
So instead of communicating with your partner or figuring out a solution, you go to someone else for Satisfaction.
It’s easy, and it feels good at the moment, but afterward, you’ll feel guilty and regretful about what you’ve done.
And no amount of satisfaction can erase that.
4. They’re Feeling Neglected and Need Love and Affection
This is one of the main reasons I cheated on my ex-girlfriend.
I felt like she wasn’t giving me enough attention, so I went out and got it from someone else—which just made things worse between us.
Some people get so used to being in a relationship that they start taking their partner for granted.
They don’t make an effort to stay connected and communicate with their partner about what he or she wants from the relationship.
When someone feels lonely for love and attention, it’s easy to go look elsewhere because you’re used to getting those feelings from another person.
But as I learned, nothing replaces the love from your partner.
And if you want those emotions from someone else, then you should work it out with your current partner.
5. They’ve low self-esteem
A few weeks ago, I watched a TED Talk on YouTube about how our brains work when we’re in love.
The speaker said something that really stuck out to me:
“Low self-esteem drives us to find anything that will make us feel better.”
That means if you’re unhappy with yourself, you’ll want someone else to make it better for you.
So if you’re feeling lonely and unloved, it’s easy to find someone else because you want to feel those feelings from another person.
But as I learned from my experience, cheating just makes your self-esteem lower because deep down inside, you know that what you’re doing is wrong.
And after a while, that’s going to hurt your relationship because you don’t have the strength to fix it.
6. They have friends who are cheaters
Another reason people cheat is that they have friends who are cheaters.
Every friendship has a different dynamic, and some relationships can influence others in a negative way.
If your friends are constantly cheating on their partners, it’s easy to start doing the same thing.
It might not even be that you want to go cheat:
it’s just that you’re spending time with your friends and they’re the ones who bring up the topic.
And because you don’t want to feel left out, you go along with it.
But if you have a friend who cheats on his or her partner, it’s best to distance yourself from him or her so that you can avoid being influenced.
7. They have unresolved childhood issues
Did you know that unresolved childhood issues can make you more likely to cheat in your relationships as an adult?
I found this out recently when I was listening to a podcast by Dr. Diana Kirschner, who’s an expert on love and relationships.
She said that if someone had divorced parents or perhaps they were always moving around growing up, then it’s more likely for them to have issues as adults.
In those cases, it’s possible that you don’t feel lovable or that you haven’t been able to build a strong bond with someone because your family relationships were unstable.
So it makes sense why someone would want to go outside their relationship and cheat if they never learned how to trust someone.
So if you have unresolved childhood issues, it’s best to talk to a therapist about this so that you can start healing and figure out your true feelings.
8. They have children from a previous relationship
Surprisingly enough, this is another reason why people cheat in their current relationships.
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend who’s in her thirties, and she told me that she cheated on her husband when they first started dating because she had kids from a previous marriage.
And even though they were divorced, she still cared about the father of her children, and she didn’t want to hurt him.
But when her husband found out about it, he was actually understanding of the situation because deep down inside, he knew why she had cheated on him.
So if you also have children with your partner, then you need to realize that what’s in the past stays in the past.
You don’t want to carry that baggage into your current relationship and ruin things before they even start.
So instead, let go of the past so that you can focus on building a strong bond with your partner.
Cheating is a really hard thing to deal with because it’s going to hurt your partner, and there’s no way around that.
But if you think about why you cheated, then you can figure out the root of the problem so that you avoid doing it again in future relationships.
And now that you know what makes people cheat.
Try your best to avoid it so that you can have a happy, healthy relationship.