People Who Were Raised by Controlling Parents Often Have These 7 Traits
Controlling parents can have a lasting impact on a child’s development, and this influence often carries over into adulthood. Growing up in an environment where parents are overly strict or domineering can shape a person’s thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. Here are some of the common traits found in adults who were raised by controlling parents.
1. They Often Struggle With Self-Confidence and Doubt Their Abilities
Adults who grew up with controlling parents frequently question their self-worth and abilities. When parents set unrealistic expectations or constantly criticize their children’s choices, it creates a pattern of self-doubt. Psychologists explain that this usually stems from years of being told that nothing they do is good enough.
As a result, these individuals may struggle with low self-esteem, fear of failure, and the need for external validation. They may find themselves seeking approval from others, second-guessing their decisions, or feeling overly concerned about what others think of them. Even when they achieve something significant, they might downplay their success, thinking it’s “just luck” rather than their skills or hard work.
2. They Have Difficulty Making Decisions and Fear Making Mistakes
People raised by controlling parents often find it difficult to make choices confidently. That’s because their parents likely dictated every aspect of their lives—deciding what they wore, who their friends were, and how they spent their free time. This rigid control leaves them feeling uncertain when faced with decisions as adults.
Because of this upbringing, they may experience anxiety when making even simple choices, fearing they’ll make the “wrong” decision. This fear of making mistakes can become so paralyzing that it prevents them from taking risks or exploring new opportunities. In social situations, they might hesitate to voice their preferences, waiting for someone else to decide for them instead.
3. They May Have Perfectionist Tendencies That Leave Them Feeling Overwhelmed
Some individuals who grew up with controlling parents develop perfectionist tendencies. When parents expect nothing less than perfection from their children, those children can internalize these unrealistic standards. Consequently, they grow up believing that they need to be flawless to gain approval or avoid criticism.
This constant pursuit of perfection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout. These individuals might set high standards for themselves and beat themselves up when they don’t meet them. They may also have trouble relaxing or enjoying their accomplishments, always feeling like they need to do more. This perfectionism often extends to all areas of their life, including work, relationships, and personal goals.
4. They Often Have Trouble Setting Boundaries With Others
People who were raised by controlling parents often have trouble establishing healthy boundaries. During their upbringing, their parents may have disregarded their privacy, opinions, or emotions, thus leading them to feel like their needs were less important. As adults, they might struggle to say “no” or express their true feelings because they’ve learned to prioritize others over themselves.
Psychologists explain that setting boundaries is crucial for mental health and well-being. However, those with a history of overbearing parenting may feel guilty or anxious when attempting to set limits. They might also fear rejection or conflict if they assert their needs. As a result, they can become people-pleasers, taking on too much responsibility and putting their own well-being at risk.
5. They Experience Heightened Anxiety and Constantly Feel On Edge
Growing up under the thumb of controlling parents can create a sense of anxiety that lingers into adulthood. The constant scrutiny, criticism, and pressure to meet high expectations can make individuals hyper-aware of their actions and how they are perceived by others. This heightened state of anxiety often makes them feel dreadfully and uneasy, even when there’s no immediate threat.
These individuals might worry excessively about what others think of them or obsess over small details, trying to prevent any possible mistakes. They may also have trouble relaxing or letting their guard down in social settings, as they’re constantly scanning their environment for potential sources of judgment or conflict.
6. They May Struggle With Trusting Others and Often Feel Isolated
Trust issues are common among those raised by controlling parents. When a parent is excessively involved in every aspect of a child’s life, it can send the message that others cannot be trusted to make the “right” decisions. This lack of trust can extend to friendships, romantic relationships, and professional connections.
In some cases, they may become overly guarded, putting up emotional walls to protect themselves from potential betrayal or rejection. On the flip side, some might place too much trust in others, seeking out dominant personalities that resemble their parents. Either way, these trust issues can lead to feelings of isolation and difficulty forming deep, meaningful relationships.
7. They Often Experience an Unclear Sense of Self and Lack Personal Identity
Because controlling parents often dictate their children’s choices, many individuals grow up feeling uncertain about their own likes, dislikes, and goals. Their parents may have chosen their hobbies, career paths, and even their social circle, leaving little room for personal exploration and self-expression.
As adults, they might struggle to figure out who they really are outside of their parents’ influence. They could find themselves drifting through life, unsure of their passions or what makes them truly happy. This unclear sense of self can contribute to feelings of emptiness and confusion about their life’s direction.
Breaking Free From the Cycle of Control: Seeking Help Is Important
If any of these traits resonate with you, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with the long-term effects of growing up under controlling parents. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be a helpful step in working through these challenges.
Mental health professionals can assist in building self-confidence, establishing healthy boundaries, and finding your own identity. They can also provide guidance on coping with anxiety, perfectionism, and trust issues, helping you break free from the patterns set in childhood.