What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person manipulates another into doubting their own reality, feelings, or perceptions. This can happen in relationships, at work, or even among family members. The goal is to gain control or power over the victim.

What Does Gaslighting Look Like?

When you’re being gaslighted, you might find yourself second-guessing your own thoughts or beliefs. For example, you might be told that you’re too sensitive, imagining things, or even outright lying. The person gaslighting you could be a partner, a boss, or even a parent. The key factor is that they’re intentionally trying to make you doubt yourself to maintain control or power over you.

Examples of Gaslighting in Everyday Life

A partner denies saying something hurtful, even when you clearly remember it.
A friend insists they told you about an event, even though you have no recollection of it.
A colleague takes credit for your work and then denies you ever did it.

What Are the Tactics Used?

Denying Reality

Even if you present evidence of the manipulator’s wrongdoing, they will deny it. They might say, “You’re imagining things,” or “That never happened.” These denials can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.

Trivializing Feelings

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, gaslighters often belittle the emotions of their victims. They might say things like, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting.” This tactic makes you second-guess your feelings and reactions.

Withholding Information

Another tactic gaslighters use is withholding information or pretending not to understand something. They might say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re confusing me.”

Projecting

Projection involves the person accusing you of doing the very thing they’re guilty of. If they’re being dishonest, they might accuse you of lying.

Diverting

Diverting is another common method. Here, the person changes the subject entirely or questions your credibility, steering the conversation away from their own behavior.

How Does It Affect You?

Emotional Toll

The emotional impact of gaslighting can be severe. You may start to feel isolated, anxious, and depressed. Over time, you may even begin to lose trust in your own judgment and perception.

Strained Relationships

Gaslighting can also strain your relationships with other people. Because you’re continually doubting yourself, you may become less confident in your interactions with others. This can harm your relationships both personally and professionally.

Self-Doubt

The ultimate goal of gaslighting is to make you doubt yourself so much that you become easier to control. This could have long-lasting impacts on your self-esteem and self-worth.

How Can You Protect Yourself?

Seek Support

If you suspect you’re being gaslighted, talk to someone you trust. A supportive network can offer a much-needed reality check.

Document Evidence

Keep track of instances where you feel you’re being gaslighted. This can help you establish a pattern and provide you with concrete proof.

Set Boundaries

Know your limits and be clear about them. If someone crosses those boundaries, be prepared to take action, which could mean seeking professional help or cutting off contact with the person.

Why Do People Gaslight Others?

Scientists believe several reasons might drive someone to gaslight another:

Control and Power: Gaslighting can give the manipulator control over the victim. When the victim starts doubting themselves, they might become more dependent on the gaslighter.
Avoiding Responsibility: By making the victim doubt their memories, the gaslighter can escape blame or responsibility for their actions.
Personal Insecurities: Sometimes, gaslighters might have deep-seated insecurities. Making someone else feel uncertain can make them feel superior or more secure in their own position.

Consult Professionals

Therapists and counselors can provide valuable insight into your situation and help you develop coping mechanisms.

So, if you ever find yourself a victim of gaslighting, it’s crucial to take steps to protect yourself and seek help.